Self-Care After a Painful Life Event


Knowing that excruciating events occur during the course of every lifetime doesn't relieve our pain. This gentle guidance is intended to help sustain you and yours through the difficult days ahead.

Physically, emotionally, and or/spiritually, you may experience:

  • Shock, which may manifest in rapid heartbeat, breathlessness, chest tightness, dizziness, feelings of anger and helplessness.
  • Panic and associated symptoms, which may be similar to the above.
  • Inability to sleep, think clearly, or absorb information.
  • Lack of motivation for self-care.
  • Deep anger.
  • Feelings of abandonment or punishment; inability to make peace with your chosen faith if you have one.
  • Overthinking and extreme focus on disturbing thoughts.
  • Self-blaming, for something you feel you did or did not do that may have prevented the tragic occurrence.

The following is offered in hopes of supporting you at this vulnerable time:

  • If First Responders were involved, ask if they have a social worker or chaplain available on call to assist you in the immediate aftermath. They are prepared to offer resources and gentle support.
  • If you have clergy you trust, have someone call them for you.
  • Try not to be alone in the days ahead; if friends and family are available, allow them to support you if you can.
  • Not everyone around you will know how to support you. Circumstances may be such that you are unable to relate to others easily. Allow yourself to accept the well-intentioned kindness of those trying to help as you process difficult emotions.
  • Keep important contact information close. Include information for health providers, who may help you cope in the days ahead.

Feelings and what to do:

  • It's normal for extreme grief, anger, feelings of helplessness, and fears to arise. Emotions may surface in waves and may feel overwhelming.
  • Turn to your most trusted person. Cherish your pet if you have one, as they may be confused and simply want to be close with you. Their needs may help you move a bit "away from yourself" for brief periods of time.
  • Practice deep breathing. One helpful technique that can reduce anxiety and help you rest involves breathing in for 4 seconds, holding the breath for 7 seconds, and exhaling for 8 seconds.
  • Meditation or other types of peaceful music can carry you gently to a calmer place.
  • If possible, focus on a simple task to help you move away from overthinking. This task can be as simple as organizing a drawer.

In the days ahead:

  • Start the day with a warm bath or shower and clean clothing. Ask for help as needed.
  • Stay hydrated. Avoid alcohol or any drug not prescribed for you.
  • Eat mindfully and with care. Ask a caring friend to prepare, or obtain, simple meals that will get you through the immediate days ahead.
  • Locate your comfort items and keep them close to you.

Have a friend gather helpful telephone numbers for you, so that they are available should you need immediate support. Wherever your location, the following free service can be immensely helpful any time of day or night to obtain confidential and empathetic support: Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a volunteer Crisis Counselor